somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
