its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
