Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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