why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
