So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
