dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
