my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Never joke about your clitoris.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize