my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
