The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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