I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He kissed a someone with a penis
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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