she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
