It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
