its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
