Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize