i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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