he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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