I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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