Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
