Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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