god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize