Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
we should paint friendship bongs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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