im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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