Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
