theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
