I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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