The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
