I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
