I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
