I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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