He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
