I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
