Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
