So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize