He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
