I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
