I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
