so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize