so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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