Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
