I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
