So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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