no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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