I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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