Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Mom said you looked used
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
