Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
