you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
