dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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