Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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