I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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