new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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