New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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