you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize