I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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