oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
