I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
