She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
