My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
