I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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