i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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