I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
