The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize