She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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