I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
