We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
