I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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