You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
