the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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