Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
