I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize