he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
