My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
